The Playground

Imagine the a magnificent playground where anyone can find their way to enjoy life to its fullest. There is one attraction in particular that is strangely irresistible to visitors. I can’t explain why it’s so popular but I get understand its attraction. That attraction is the Merry Go Round. It is an attraction that requires communion with other visitors.

As children the merry go round taught us how to work together. We loved going round and round. Some of us would jump on and off as the ride kept going without care to how it was used. It kept going and going as long as we kept going and going.

Now, imagine this merry go round is attached to a generator. The kids playing on the merry go round spins the generator and the power generated lit up a whole network of buildings that was shared with the homes of its employees. The kids are rewarded with the currency of community, love, and joy. Is it a fair trade?

This is the business model of social mediums in the tech sector today. The visitors of their sites laboriously produce a product that is sold by the site’s owner.

This leads me, and it should lead you too, to wonder how a truly social company would operate if it were completely transparent. Well to do that, we would have to decide what the fuck a social company is. If we were to base it on how today’s social media companies operate it would involve spying on your neighbor. I had thought that society deemed spying on your neighbor to be an act of anti-social behavior. Honestly, we should not refer to these companies as social media. They are actually social engineering. They are not aiming to serve society. Their aim is for society to serve them. Under the guise that the visitor on the merry go round gains more value than the company selling their time as power generated.

And in that I think we’ve found our definition. My bias is that the word social involves sharing and/or collaboration. At a social gathering, members of the community come together to share an experience. Social Services reaches out to the less fortunate. Social media, on the service, is where people share content. Social mediums are exchanges. They exchange many forms of currency, including information.

To be continued…

Your Time is not that Valuable.

If you want to lose my attention in a sales pitch or negotiation say these words to me: “I know your time is valuable.”

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I recently told the T-Mobile representative on the phone the other day: “My biggest hope is that we all find out time is not as valuable as we are told.”

And, I mean that. I really don’t think time is valuable. I give it away all the time. While I always value my time it is never as valuable as our time together. Never. The whole idea of needing alone time might be an argument against this. Wrong. It is an argument FOR this.

When someone needs alone time it is because they cannot handle the value of being with others. They need time to themself. To re-calculate. To ensure that time together is not commodified. Alone time, makes together time more valuable.

So, if you meet with me and you say, “I know your time is valuable.” What I hear you saying is our time together is not as valuable as the thing you obtained for free: yourself.

The self is great. It’s a billion, if not trillion, dollar industry. WIth all these different mediums producing content for self-help. The irony could not be more laughable. It’s not self-help you are really after. You are after social-help. The problem isn’t that you don’t know how to be yourself. It’s that you don’t know how to integrate yourself into society.

I don’t want to be depressed

There’s this interesting state of being I have stumbled upon: where you feel that you are getting depressed and you don’t want to be. It’s such a strange place because no matter what you do to fight your being from entering the depths of depression, fighting makes it worse. It’s like a quicksand where trying to climb out pushes you deeper and deeper. And, once you have succumb to understanding that your being is at a low enough depth, somehow you go out on a limb – Like a closed hole in a river – You manage to take the inch you need to escape. In a closed hole, if you are able to get just a pinky out of the turbulence, the flow of the fiver will carry you out of the cycle. This is what fighting depression is like. You push and push getting deeper and deeper. You hit bottom and it allows you to realize the freedom you had all along was right outside the issue at hand. Almost, as if to say that sometimes the problem is the solution.

I don’t know if that makes sense. Maybe to some it could make sense because they understood what I was talking about before I wrote these words. Therefore I am just recalling in them what they have already learned. I hope that these words – when I’m fighting can be read to me so that I can just succumb to the lesson life was putting before me and just focus on letting my pinky – a small amount of intuition packed with wisdom -guide me to free waters.

That would be a great test. I am one of those people that stays calm in high stress situations. But, I don’t know if I’ve ever been able to remain calm when the stress is the feeling of falling into depression. Those negative thoughts race and race around my brain. I defeat one after the other and persevere. But, these are not individual battles. These are wars. These are the kinds of power that exhaust the brain. A mental gymnastics running 3 marathons at once. They are grueling. I hate them.

Yet, I also love them. I love them not for who they are, but for who they make me. There is quite possibly nothing more liberating than the moment where you were swimming at the bottom of deep, shark infested waters and get spit out to the top of a mountain overlooking the city below. It’s the 2nd greatest feeling in the world. This is a divine moment. The journey to get there is full of ups and downs and hits a very low point in order to understand just how high your potential can be.

Its one of those things where you are shed from all of your Ego’s limiting beliefs, while simultaneously understanding why your Ego thinks so highly of itself, and more importantly that there is nothing to be afraid of when shooting for fulfilling your potential precisely because you learn your Ego’s imagination will never be wild enough to truly comprehend your true potential! Because no matter how high you get, you will never achieve the height of what makes all of this possible: The Universe. And don’t even get me started on how much higher the one that created the Universe must be. The universe is literally infintesimal compared to whatever you want to call the deity on the other side of matter.

We are given a gift. How will you spend it?

Don’t you know who I am?

I am the guy that wants the world for you.

My hope is that you will share it wisely. Especially with me.

This really is who I am. To everyone.

There is, also, someone special out there that I truly hope – if she is who I think she is – will share her world with me.

If not, no worries. I’ll be giving the world to someone else. Many other people, actually. I’m just hoping I can prioritize you.

Turning Points

I recall an interview with Gary Vee where he was asked if there was a point where everything changed for him – a turning point. He said no – there is not one moment. I don’t remember exactly what he said next, but I can tell you this: there are lots of them.

For me, the most memorable, we’re not so much telling me where to go. But instead how to find where I’m going. They were like riddles, where the path from not knowing to understanding is the aligned with purpose. Let this be a list to help guide you in your search for meaning. Recognizing you have the answer within is half the battle.

1. My Value

When I was somewhere between the ages of 3 and 5 years old, I learned my value. My Dad is a car guy and I was his “cruisin” buddy. I would ride shotgun in his 1976 Ford Ranchero, running various errands mostly hitting all the hardware stores in a 15-mile radius, grocery shopping, and reading magazines. On the weekends we would take the family sedan to the car shows, drag races, or the ferry to a Mariners game. Other than sports I grew up around cars.

One of my favorites was a 1957 Chevrolet Corvette Convertible. The white one that was only ever driven with the top down, and the most beautiful woman I have ever seen with her blonde hair flowing in the wind. She looked like she was straight out of a scene in a movie. She ALWAYS smiled and waved as she drove by.

One day she stopped. She turned to my dad and said, “I’ll trade you my Corvette for his red hair.” My Dad declined. I was worth more than a Corvette to my Dad, but more importantly, she wanted me. That’s when I knew I had worth.

That moment is probably why I had mediocre grades, went to a school that’s not famous, and lean toward a 3 on the enneagram. I can get the woman of my dreams if I really wanted her.

What more does someone need other than that kind of confidence? Well, they need a challenge – assuming they’re like me and developed an idea somewhere that the whole purpose of living is to find someone that you marry and take an on the adventure of life. I’m not sure where I came up with that. Maybe because it seemed like my parents were always taking us places to visit. I’m not quite sure. But that does sound right. Or at least part of the reason. So, if I could get a movie star like that woman, just think what I could get if I already had the Corvette! 🤣

Now, when my Dad told me I didn’t understand the value of money I had an existential crisis. First of all, it must be something I should know. Second that means I don’t understand the value of a Corvette. And if I’m more valuable than material possessions – I don’t know my own value.

Well, I’ll never be able to settle down with anyone if I don’t understand our value. That’s pretty fucked up if you think about it. Especially when you believe yourself to be invaluable. What does that even mean if you don’t understand value to begin with. That’s kind of a twisted head. One side of your head is computing a problem while the other side of your head is presenting what you believe to be invaluable. Until you realize it’s just not worth it. And then both sides of the brain give into putting the problem first. Which doesn’t allow you to live in the moment. So you find ways to tell yourself that this moment is a moment where you don’t have to have the problem solved to be invaluable. Because each moment shared is an invaluable moment. Sometimes the answer to the problem is the problem. What is value? Value is what you make it.

When I was around 6 or 7, maybe older, there was a clown making animal balloons. I told my dad I was going to go find out how much they cost, because I thought they were free. As I walked up to the clown, a kid beat me to the punch and asked the clown, “Are these free?”

“Nothing in this world is free.”

Now, I know that I don’t understand the value of money. But, I had no idea that you couldn’t get anything without it. I’ve gotten plenty of things for free. The clowns voice haunted me as I walked back to my dad. My Dad asked if they were free. I said, I don’t know? Nothing in this world is free. And my dad said, we’ll do you want one? I said no. I felt like my dad shouldn’t give that guy any money.

Now I have this challenge to understand money. Because I do not want to get in fights with my wife about a car payment. In fact, I never want to have a car payment. I got so sick of hearing about Fucking car payments as a kid that I swore I would never have one. I’m 38 years old. Still no car payment.

I wanted to be a millionaire. I knew then that I would understand the value of money. But more importantly I would learn one very important thing while funding my calling in life. To find value. That one important thing is: How to share what I’ve learned wisely.

Hmmm, what would make it wise: one message, unwavering, undeniable when understood, and tantalizingly true.

That message might be something like:

Value is shared, not stored.


Give and you shall receive.

Like the time my Dad talked me into Jolly Rancher instead of other candy. He told me that if I buy Jolly Rancher it supports the Jolly Rancher Fire Truck that was doing wheelies at the drag strip. In fact it supports all the Jolly Rancher race car drivers. I have my money to the mercantile so that the owner Paul knew to continue ordering Jolly Ranchers so that we could support flame throwing, wheelie popping Fire trucks at drag shows across the nation.

That seemed like I was getting the most value. I got to watch a really cool stunt and take home candy. Win – win. It was like a BOGO sale!

Dark Arts

beacons to see in the dark.

Artists usually come from a dark place… so they say. I’ve known many talented artists and I can confirm they are also a beacon of light. One of my favorite artists told me that her music is healing… To be able to encapsulate darkness in the trueness that is musical arts, it seems to me a requirement to understand the darkness in a way that can only happen through the transcendence of darkness to light.

Earlier tonight, I walked out of the kitchen to the front counter of Cookies. There was a man standing there accompanied by another man. Both had a look about them I can’t quite describe – like they knew something I didn’t know. The one standing in front of me was Taylor. He had a presence that was so secure it screamed, “I fully understand insecurity!” and peacefully reminded, “I am me, because you are you.” A manner that was calm and stoic, yet exuded an unattainable coolness. When Brian came out and had nothing but praise to give this man and his band, Taylor was so real and humble. Being from Portland, he was in Seattle with a group from his solo project. He told me the music was like a sound bath. He said it was “dark.”

Taylor put me on the list. He played one song. I wanted to cry. As the set went on, his presence at the restaurant made more and more sense. This was a man that fully understood his shadow. The questions, the reflection, the processing of what he had experienced – He wasn’t performing. He was re-living, he was re-processing, he was re-examining through a sound that recreated the emotions. His lyrics struck a chord and both our experiences were re-examined. It’s truly a gift to do what Taylor does.

He is a beacon of light. Because, here he is; so cool, so animated, and so true to his heart. He looked like he was in an altered state of consciousness.

Here I am bathing in a moment where I feel those feelings that haunt me. I go face to face with those feelings. And then, Taylor expresses the feelings with words I could not seem to find for myself: “I wanna be clear… I wanna be true… I wanna be Forgiven.”

There’s a saying that goes something like this: In order to walk beside another, you must first be willing to go down that path alone. For this reason, I do not find this kind of music to be dark. I find it healing to join with someone in their magic and be reminded that I am not walking this path alone.

For those that understand the dark – For those that are in the dark, looking for the light – For those faithfully walking a path with only a vision that cannot be seen through the haze of reality: I would recommend a sound bath at the Sunset Tavern in Ballard, Seattle, WA with Taylor Kingman.

SWOT Analysis in Action

Today I finalized my model for putting a SWOT analysis into action. The New SWOT Analysis for Market Dominion: GROW. I’ve been working on this on and off for years. Not sure how to exactly explain it. I got it. I worked on a presentation for several hours today. I think it’s ready.

Post to come. But I needed to document the date. It was today on 11/16/2022 that I finally figured out how to explain it to people for adoption. It’s my secret sauce.

The Future : Unknown

I am excited for what the future holds. It’s the unknown. Familiarizing yourself with the unknown is exciting. It can also feel terribly stressful. And, that stress can snowball into anxiety. The anxiousness caused by the very thing that is also freeing and calming: belief that the unknown is worth the journey to make it known.

I should be able to sit back and laugh when challenged by something silly. Instead, I resent that the silliness is challenging me. Silliness should bring joy. Although I do believe that ultimately the suffering will be worth it, the energy is hard to bare in the moment. Those moments where you thought it was all behind you. As it turns out, intuition once learned should not be ignored. But, if it is, be prepared for a challenging life lesson.

Listen to your gut.

The unknown will have glimmers of the known. Most of the coded message of “unknown” is “known.” So recognize the known for what it is. Seek to uncover the rest.

Look for the hidden message.

Find clarity by understanding its meaning.

I don’t believe in your god.

I have yet to meet anyone – or read anyone’s work, or watch a YouTube video from – that can explain God in the way that I understand he exists. I do fully understand the concepts of the divine feminine and the masculine “Creator” as being equal archetypes of the same thing. I understand that our consciousness is non-dualistic and that we have the ability to will both non-dual and dualistic expression of our consciousness. Maybe that’s where I lose you. Where my God is greater than yours, because you don’t have the audacity to realize that your brain can only comprehend the symbolic representation for which you believe to be the biggest thing possible.

When I say I do not believe in your god, I am saying that we all believe in different gods. Yet, there is only one God. You must remember this. This is the key. When someone refers to God as the Universe, this is a materialistic notion that there cannot be anything larger than the entire universe. Someone whose vocabulary states the name “Universe” as representing their God can’t seem to wrap their head around the fact that everything, which comprises the Universe came from nothing. Absolutely nothing. The absence of anything somehow created something. If that does not blow your mind, you need to think a little harder.

When something appears out of thin air, we call that “magic.” Everything – Every single thing you can conceive from an electron to a universe came from a place where thin-air is non existent. These words that I am writing are non existent. Now, here’s the interesting thing.

Everyone I talk to, that don’t believe there is even a notion of a god, agree with me on one thing. the Big Bang theory is probably correct. BUT, not one of them knows the answer to this question:

Do you know who created the Big Bang Theory?

No one, absolutely no one guesses that it was:

A Catholic Priest.

Which I elaborate and say that, he was able to theorize it because it did not go against his beliefs.

Now, living in a city that is very liberal and leftist I can understand that people have a problem with Christianity because its symbolism is shrouded in gender biases. I get it.

At least, I get it from an abstract vantage point. As soon as I try to articulate my understanding in a prologue of symbolism that the symbol itself clouds the expression I really mean – the one I can see in my minds eye. I almost wonder if it’s worth trying to write about it because as soon as I try to codify it’s wrong. Because it can only be truly expressed through nature. Instead I can only give a vague attempt at describing what I see in nature. One can never truly codify nature in written or spoken word. It itself is the breath that makes word possible. And therefore the possibilities for how nature may be described are endless. And all are false.

My ex-girlfriend, who was an ex-catholic asked if the symbolism needed to be masculine gender. I thought about that for a while – it was a great question. I always loved her questions – she was so feminine in her nature. What I mean by that is that she was able to judge situations based on temperament. Rather than a masculine judgement based on analysis. She could feel into her divine feminine and show me paths that I would never have seen as a logical observer of nature. For us, it was like the masculine was quantitative data collector and the feminine was qualitative data. So feminine that she could not even find the words to express herself qualitatively. But, when she could find the words, it was clear that her understanding far surpassed any recordable data point.

The divine feminine – to the sensory of the masculine nature – is a phenomenon of utter catastrophe and bliss at exactly the same time. It is the most psychoactive state man will ever realize, until they die. When I say this, I use the word man to mean masculine and which means the word woman means feminine. This means, also, that non-binary people do exist and have existed since the beginning of time. The majority has also experienced being non-binary as a child. And, again when they become one when joined with an equal opposite natured partner. Which would mean that, it is possible for the genders to be reversed, however the whole story would need to change.

For example, if the male is the feminine: the penis would not penetrate the masculine woman. Instead, the masculine woman’s vagina would need to either suck or somehow engross the the penis. This is because the masculine is the doer and the feminine is the experience. So the masculine would still need to do something in order to pierce the vail of nature and create something to happen.

This means that no one is pure feminine. There has to be a part of a females nature that is also masculine in nature. Meaning they go out into a nature that is outside of themselves and interact with it. The female always interacts with someone who is less or more masculine than they are, and vice versa. We as un pure humans want to find balance. That kind of harmony we barely recall having in our infancy.

My God is the one true god. You can never take that away from me, because only I have the imagination to believe in an ever expanding infinite state that contains the state you and I perceive to be reality. Only I see what I see. Just as only you see what you see. We do not believe in the same God. However, that does not mean we cannot agree that there is only one God. And, whoever he is – the state of something greater than everything – is the only one.

Below him can be found gods. Maybe you believe in one of them. I believe they all exist. I can see them. Hell, I’ve even created a few. But, they will never be the god that I worship. The God I worship, you will know. Whether or not we agree on our belief of how he is comprised doesn’t change the fact that we both know one true God. He just appears to us in different manners.

God is that great.